Recently someone on my FB page posted a cynical comment about children with ADD needing discipline. I thought I would shed light on this shortsighted comment. I am 65 years old and have lived my whole life with a severe degree of this disorder. I was raised by two authoritarian parents who did everything they could to get me to be still, be quiet, behave. I wanted to please them, but a symptom of this disorder is impulsiveness and rash decisions so I was always harshly chastised for the simplest of offenses, I.e., riding my bike into the street without looking.
Third grade is the year students are introduced to more structure, timelines, goals. I was a problem to my teachers for my loud talking, getting out of my seat, blurting out the right answer before the question was fully asked. So my parents, at a loss, took me to a psychologist. Testing in the early 60s would tell them, “She has a high IQ, leaving them even more perplexed.
I went on my first date at 16. He was senior and we were going to his prom. He brought a six pack of beer, I drank five of them. This was the first time I ever drank a drop of alcohol. The energy that raged inside me all my life was quieted and my love affair with alcohol was born.
I barely graduated, had no idea about what to do with my life. I married a super guy who had a job, car and smelled good. He had to support our family which was fine with him and he did a great job; I had a hard time finding work that did not require attention to detail and being on time. I drank more, and sunk deeper into self-loathing and shame being such an “incompetent” adult.
Somehow, by the grace of God, I ended up in the 12 Step rooms at 35, began a sober lifestyle and the burden of managing energy again but maturity would be my friend and I moved forward in my life managing to work for litigation lawyers (its a miracle I know). The pay was good and the work interesting.
At 48 years of age I decided to ride a motorcycle. This freaked most of my family and friends out. As it was, I would ride down the street smelling the roses, smiling and waiving at everyone I saw. I would leave the driveway without helmet and my bags unfastened. It became clear the ADHD mind and a Harley were not the best fit.
But I loved it and everything about it from the adventure, thrill and low hum of the V-Twin moved me to seek out medication. Because I was clean and sober now for 13 years, I was not going to take a stimulant but they were developing non stimulant drugs and I began with Straterra
It changed my life. And it gave me first hand knowledge about the viability of “brain” drugs, as I call them. I noticed its greatest gift to me was the minimization of impulsivity. For the first time in my life, I had an internal 10 second delay mechanism. Instead of the mental gyration of 10 competing thoughts, they lined up in single file and I could manage them one thought at a time.
This drug made it possible for me to secure a great job and hold it for a long time, and successfully and expertly handle my Harley thousands of miles, over every terrain and hazardous road condition.
So, before you come against children with your uninformed judgments about medication just know I cannot imagine how my life would have been different if I had the opportunity to be a successful third grader in the classroom learning and growing, instead of sitting outside the classroom door believing myself a complete and total fool.
I wholeheartedly believe in strong boundaries, family values, accountability and taking responsibility. In fact, because these were in place when I was young, I had the courage and determination to figure it out when I was motivated to. But disciplining children with hyperactivity and attention deficit without wisdom, encouragement and positive reinforcement will set them (actually your entire family) up for a miserable future.
Even now, Im supposed to be getting ready for work, but I had to stop and hammer this out. Im racing to the shower now. : )
Blondie Loves to Ride 