I think the most important thing on any mom’s mind is I HOPE MY KIDS ARE DOING OKAY!!! I think most moms are concerned about their family’s mental, emotional and physical health. But what does that look like exactly? And how do we measure family health? For sure, a mom wants to be self-aware and courageous in imperfections so she can give her children the things they need without guilt or fear. For sure, healthy moms will raise healthy children.

So what exactly is a healthy mom? Do I even know any moms who consider themselves “healthy?” Like healthy in what way? What should happen for me to say to myself, “Gosh, I feel so healthy today.” In fact, this is the last thing I hear from moms because what I hear most? “MOM FAIL!!!” This is a harsh way to judge every mom moment: “Pass or fail.” When we go to bed at night, we rack up points in one category or the other and cross our fingers the “pass” column has more points then the fail.

It’s crap.

I thought as I was raising my kids that being a healthy mom was having children who excelled with straight As, perfect marks in citizenship, homework that is always turned in. Rooms that are neat and organized; the KIDS always knowing where their stuff is, who say “okay” when asked to do a chore, or who put the folded close on their bed away, who never talk back, say, “I hate you;” who place thank you notes on the fridge. Honestly, I believed there were such children in the universe. They just were not in my house.

I knew I was not measuring up to this standard so I drank. A lot.
Getting sober at 35 years old with a twelve and nine year old in tow my perceptions began to shift. I actually had little human beings in my care with their own minds, passions and preferences. They were unique and amazing. I thought I should mold them into a form I didn’t even fit in – for their good of course – but this thinking really missed the mark and I lost out on a lot of fun, fabulous little kid time with them. I realized I could stop shooting for perfection and enjoy messy. Because by the time they leave the nest, they will have a bit of awareness and mastery over their own perfect imperfections. This mom found out it was okay to send them off with tools, resources, wisdom and encouragement to go “therefore into that good night.” And THAT was stuff good moms were made of.

Great momming comes out of loose reins, not tight ones.

I believe a healthy mom is daring enough to help her children to meet themselves through self awareness and appreciation, and inspire them to express themselves authentically. One child is a leader bossying the entire family around (which no one appreciates); another child is creative and deeply relational but cries a lot because of sensitivity and hurt feelings; another child may be quiet and shy, and covertly thrilled when grounded to their room; yet another child may be perpetual motion, loud and forgetful, driving the entire family crazy. Yes, all kinds of children can come from the same womb.

I think drawing a picture of your idea of a healthy family with individual strengths and weaknesses, agreed values, firm boundaries and audacious dreams, is the point of beginning. Leaving perfection behind, embracing mistakes and false starts as learning tools, speaking identity into them, ‘You are smart,” You are fun,” “You are strong.” These kinds of things in the face of spilled milk, stolen bicycles and lost socks, make the whole mom thing quite endearing and rich.

We inspire emotional, mental and spiritual health in our families when we establish borders around a functional, respectful, and kind life enrivonment; we inspire change through assigning consequences and requiring our children to bear responsibility for outcomes… We inspire hope when we love them wildly and recklessly, and believe that all things turn out good for those that love God and are called according to His purposes.

So relax. Put your tired feet up with a cup of tea. Ask your child calmly why they think they received two Ds on their report card, or why they left their now stolen bicycle on the front lawn; or why they think they can reject the dinner on the table and request something else; or why they push away your overtures for affection only to jump on your lap when you are least expecting it. Be a comforter in their mistakes and a cheerleader in their successes and most of all enjoy fearlessly!

Photo by samer daboul on Pexels.com